The Materia Mess Up
by AlphaNinn
Summary: Yuffie gets a machine that can change materia to what she wants. What will happen?


Ok, first of all, I wrote this when I was extremely bored during Spanish class.   
Second of all, it's not supposed to make any sense, so if it does, I messed up   
somewhere. Third of all, this is supposed to be funny, and I hope it is. Now, on   
with the torture... I mean, story. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The Materia Mess Up   
By: Ninn 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Twilight set in quickly, casting the land in enlongating shadows. A figure on   
the back of a chocobo rode quickly across the grass, clutching a small bag and   
laughing like a maniac. The person entered a town and quit laughing. Getting off   
the chocobo, it was led into a building and the figure came out alone. Heading   
for the other part of the town, the figure entered a house and flipped on the lights   
chasing away the shadows. The figure turned out to be Yuffie.   
  
She crossed the room and opened the bag, allowing the contents to spill out   
onto the table. Materia rolled out. 

There was a small machine sitting on the table. On the machine, in large bold   
letters was an ACME logo, and underneath that, in much smaller print, it read   
Materia Modifier. 

Still smiling, she picked up a red piece. The materia would duplicate, making a   
copy and changing the original into whatever she wanted. This would be fun, and   
if she did it right, no one would notice until it was too late. 

Now, what would she give them? 

Looking at the piece in her hand she saw that it was Knights of the Round. She   
would turn that one into a playful kitten. 

Putting it into the machine, it made some grinding noise and another orb popped   
out. She put that one in her pocket, and then took the modified original and put it   
back into the bag. 

Now, what was another one that was used alot. Fishing around for the Restore   
materia she popped it into the machine, and set it to turn it to shoes. That would be   
funny. Shoes hitting them everytime they cast cure. 

Once again she put the copy into her pocket and the original back into the bag.   
She worked late into the night, and was rewarded with a full pocket. 

Her plan was genious, and they woud never be able to tell the difference. 

The next morning on the Highwind

"That little ^$%#@(*!" Cid exclaimed "She stole our %#*@($ materia again!"   
  
Vincent appeared behind him "How does she know the combination to the   
safe?" 

"How the #%@*$ am I supposed to know?" 

". . . . ." 

"How do you pronounce that anyway? We all say it, but how do you pronounce   
it?" Red XIII, who had appeared out of nowhere, asked. 

Cid and Vincent jumped, "Don't do that!" 

"Yuffie probably went back to Wutai," Red XIII added. 

"How do you know that?" 

He shrugged the best he could, "Well, the gold chocobo's gone." 

"Evl_Brd? No!" Vincent exclaimed, "We have to get Evl_Brd back!" 

Cid groaned. 

Red XIII walked over and burnt Vincent with his tail. Vincent screamed. 

"The materia's more important." 

The others, who had been on the deck, somehow heard the scream. They came   
running. 

Tifa was the first in and began laughing when she saw Vincent's cape burning. 

"Umm, you're on fire," Cloud remarked, following Tifa's laughter. 

". . . ." 

Vincent looked at them and slowly walked out of the room, dodging Barret and the   
newly resurrected Aeris. 

"What was that about?" Tifa asked. 

"That little $&$(&&*%$# stole our materia, and," he added, "she took Evl_Brd." 

"What? She took Evl_Brd?" Aeris asked, shocked "How dare she!" 

Tifa looked sad, and Cloud muttered, "I'll kill her. Does she know how long it took   
to breed that thing?" 

Cid and Red XIII looked at each other. 

"You @^(^*))^% idiots. Quit worrying about that stupid bird. She took our materia!" 

"He's right," Barret added.   
  
"But she took our bird!" Aeris exclaimed. 

"We might as well go to Wutai," Cloud said. 

At that same moment, Vincent returned, his cape shorter than it had been before,   
and more than a little charred. ". . . ." 

"Can't you say anything else?" 

". . . ." 

"&$(%* idiots," Cid muttered, setting the Highwind in a course that would take them   
to Wutai. 

"Does anyone have any materia on them?" Cloud asked. 

"Nope - I lost my White materia when Sepiroth killed me, remember?" 

"I'm going to ignore that." 

Later - In Wutai

Yuffie was playing with the kitten when the door banged open. The length of the   
summon ended and the kitten disappeared. 

She looked up at the door. 

"Oh, Hi. Here's your materia back," she said sweetly, "I'm reallllllly sorry that I took it." 

Vincent walked over and took the bag she was holding out. He looked in. 

"It's all here." 

Tifa and Aeris stood next to her and began slapping her. 

Yuffie dicked and ran away. 

"Well, I hope she dosn't come back," Red XIII commented. 

They all looked at him. 

"What? Do I have to be perfect all the time?" 

". . . ."   
  
"Will you stop doing that?!?" 

". . . ." 

"@$($&$@!, we have more important things to do now!" Cid exclaimed. 

"Right. Evl_Brd. Now, where would she put it?" 

They searched the town and the surrounding area for over an hour. 

"Did anyone find anything?" Cloud asked. 

"Well, the resturant is having a special. Fried chocobo wings." Cid said. 

"No!" Cloud, Vincent, Tifa, and Aeris cried in unison. 

"Live with it ya morons," Barret yelled, "Da bird's gone." 

"Why don't we just go find and kill Sepiroth?" Red XIII suggested "Now that we have   
our materia back." 

Later - At the Bottom of Nothern Crater

"Everyone ready?" Cloud asked. They were about to fight. "Vincent and Cid, you   
come with me." 

They nodded and equipped themselves with materia. 

"Hopefully we won't need any of this. I'll cast Knights of the Round and you   
mime it. It should be an easy win." 

". . . ." 

"Whatever you say." 

Around them the air swiriled and they were facing Sepiroth. 

As soon as possible, Cloud cast Knights of the round, and Cid and Vincent   
mimed it. 

But, instead of the Knights coming to attack, a playful kitten appeared, and instead of   
the mimes, two dancing flowers joined the kitten. 

"%*$#()$^@_$^&%$@(!)$^%*&@#*&%#*^@#(*&$)(@*#(@#)%)_%*($#!!#%#(*   
(*#$&(@*#&!(@*)%(#*%)(*#!@*^%$#@(*$)@!*#&)!@($&#*%^%^*&^(*&)_!" Cloud exclaimed. 

Cid looked at him, "Wow." 

Sepiroth fell over backwards laughing, then attacked them. 

Vincent cast Cure3 on them, and they were bombarded with shoes. 

Sepiroth laughed harder. 

Cid, thinking that something else would work, summoned Bahamaut. But, the dragon   
never came. In it's place a small moth appeared. 

"That (*&@#^*&^ (*#@$&(@*!$#^)(*&%)(&@#~!@&%$*#&^$)(!@*&)#!(@&#$!" 

Seeing that they couldn't do anything, and they weren't going to attack, Sepiroth   
easily defeated them. 

In Wutai

Yuffie sat on her bed staring at the materia. She was happy. But, she wished   
she couldv'e seen their faces when they found out it wasn't real. 

It didn't matter though, because that was the same time Meteor chose to hit,   
destroying her and everything else. 

The End:)   


  
E- mail me your comments at star_dreamer_421@excite.com 


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